By DANNY YOEONO
The crime blotter is compiled from public record and is not confirmed by Martinez Police or any other party unless otherwise stated. Some accounts may be unfounded.
Thursday, June 30
A man in a Giants jacket was reportedly screaming at “everyone” and being aggressive near the Starbucks on Main Street at a time when not everyone had yet had their coffee – 6 a.m. – and would have thus been better prepared for the incident.
At 10:34 a.m., a man in black shorts carrying a matching backpack was caught taking candy from Marina Market without the intention of paying.
Just after noon, it was reported the restroom at the Bocce Ball Courts was made unclean by a person in a white or gray van parked nearby. That description perfectly matches my brother’s van, and he is notorious for destroying bathrooms.
Ten minutes before 5 p.m. a man claimed he was jumped within a close proximity of the court house, a place where they try and sentence suspected criminals who exhibit such behavior.
At 5:22 p.m., a blue SUV taxi on Alhambra Avenue near the high school was driving erratically, running a red light and having a rear door open while in motion. That was my Uber … late again.
At 7 p.m., a group of four people were spotted fishing at the pond that lies within Eastwoodbury Park – despite the sign posted that reads “No Fishing.”
Just before 9 p.m., a man in his 60s was running up Old Snake Road sweating, with his hands behind his back and his eyes reportedly “bulging out of his head,” which is the newest exercise craze.
Friday, July 1
A man described as wearing two messenger bags – I assume he put one on each shoulder instead of two on one – was walking on Alhambra Avenue near F Street at 10 a.m. kicking over signs posted in front of businesses. When one sign owner asked why he kicked the sign, he cursed at them – which I assume did not answer the question completely, if at all.
At 2:30 p.m., a man at the CVS on Center Avenue threw his shoes at other customers and then screamed. I am no pharmacist, but I believe he was probably looking for some aspirin.
At 4:48 p.m., alcohol was stolen from the Rite Aid on Arnold Drive by a man in a hat who was just prepping for his Fourth of July BBQ party.
A man was beating a car with his fists in the Radio Shack parking lot on Arnold Drive at 9 p.m.
Saturday, July 2
At 3 a.m., a man in a blue vest and orange hat was swearing and punching buildings along Main Street near Ferry Street. He told a bystander he was looking for someone. This doesn’t sound all that weird considering that is the same method for finding people that Marvel’s Daredevil uses.
A man then reported that people had been following him from his home, that people had been following him all over San Francisco, that people had been following him other places over time, and that people had been following him over the last three days.
A pony had been purportedly left in a car with the windows up for up to an hour in the Wal-Mart parking lot.
Monday, July 4
Happy Independence Day. Thank you for using the Martinez Tribune as your No. 1 source for BBQ fuel.
At 10:30 a.m., a boat capsized at the marina leaving a man clinging to the pier.
At 2:05 p.m., the smell of burning garbage was observed, the sweet aroma of freedom.