By DANNY YOEONO
The crime blotter is compiled from public record and is not confirmed by Martinez Police or any other party unless otherwise stated. Some accounts may be unfounded.
Wednesday, Nov. 16
At 1:04 a.m., an argument was heard on F Street. I am thankful that I win every argument I am in.
At 1:29 a.m., a man with a stick refused to leave the premises of the ice rink. He was observed to be carrying a stick and threatened to kick the butt of the person urging him to leave. I am thankful that nobody is capable of kicking my butt.
At 11:05 a.m., a man in a hat was yelling obscenities at the Starbucks on Main Street. I am thankful for coffee.
At 12:20 p.m., a woman was in an industrial yard on Howe Road flipping out and smoking drugs.
At 4:47 p.m., a woman was yelling in the parking lot of the Marina Market on Escobar Street. I am thankful that yelling is my constitutional right.
Thursday, Nov. 17
A leaf blower was stolen from in front the corp yard on Alhambra Avenue around 11 a.m.
A driver with a black hat cut off another driver on Howe Road and then waved a gun out of the window around 3:40 p.m. I am thankful for the gun rights of that driver.
A chicken was stolen from the Safeway across from the Wendy’s around 5 p.m. I am thankful that the chicken crossed the street; why it did is still unknown.
Friday, Nov. 18
Around 8 a.m., a man was on the Alhambra High School Track yelling at people and himself while throwing things.
Near 10:20 a.m., four young people were vandalizing merchandise inside Wal-Mart and riding a bike through the aisles. I am thankful for my friends.
Close to 11:38 p.m., the traffic lights at the intersection of Alhambra Avenue and Alhambra Valley Road were flashing red and green.
Saturday, Nov. 19
A group of two to four women were in a verbal argument on Berrellesa Street at 1:08 p.m.
At 1:23 p.m., a dryer caught on fire on Escobar Street. I am thankful that I clean out my lint screen regularly.
Sunday, Nov. 20
A man with a beard commandeered a bottle of bourbon from Safeway and then passed out by the propane tanks in front of the store at 1:38 p.m.
An ambulance was stolen from the county hospital on Alhambra Avenue around 3:30 p.m.
Monday, Nov. 21
At 11:55 a.m., a grandparent reported that their grandchildren had stolen money and property from them with the loss adding up to be in the thousands.
A bald man defecated on the Main Street sidewalk at 2:30 p.m.
A man in a black leather jacket was holding a cane and a beer while masturbating at 3:43 p.m. by the Safeway close to Wendy’s. What a champ.
I am thankful for being able to live in Martinez and I am thankful to its inhabitants.