By DANNY YOEONO
The crime blotter is compiled from public record and is not confirmed by Martinez Police or any other party unless otherwise stated. Some accounts may be unfounded.
Wednesday, Feb. 8
At 9:41 a.m., a Spikes Produce employee reported to be a perpetrator of embezzlement in the amount of $140, which is a lot of melons.
At 2:05 p.m., a young man in a black tracksuit was yelling in Susana park.
At 2:14 p.m., a man with a shaved head, thought to be in his 30s, was drinking whiskey on Arreba Street.
At 5:44 p.m., a man described as six feet tall was putting merchandise down his pants at the Safeway, “beef jerky and stuff.”
Thursday, Feb. 9
At 1:16 a.m., a Terrace Way resident complained that their neighbor was either playing music or video games, but whatever it was it was too loud.
At 4:05 a.m., a male voice was heard yelling, “Please help me,” on Allen Street.
At 8:28 a.m., a woman carrying garbage bags was hitchhiking on Howe Road.
Grand theft golf cart was reported at the Muir Creek Apartments on Morello Avenue at 8:34 a.m.
Around 2:40 p.m., a woman reported that her car parked on Alhambra Avenue had been smeared with dog feces. How did she know it was dog poo? Lol.
A man was told he was not allowed in Beaver Creek Smokehouse so he got upset and broke the door as he left. Probably was not let in because it was 3:15 p.m. which is much too late for lunch.
At 5:33 p.m., a man in a beanie stole a couple hundred dollars worth of “As Seen on TV” merchandise from the CVS and then stood outside the store yelling. Probably gloating about how many PedEggs he now has.
Three thirty packs of beer were taken from the Virginia Hills Safeway at 10:40 p.m.
Friday, Feb. 10
A large-screen television was found in the middle of Robinson Street at 5:25 a.m., and that’s because I found out the ending of the show “Lost” and threw the TV out the window.
A woman who fits the description of my mother was described as drunk and a bother to patrons of Sal’s Family Kitchen on Escobar Street around 10 a.m. But I am 90 percent certain it could not have been my mother.
A man wearing all black was throwing rocks at a mailbox located on Pacheco Boulevard around 11 a.m. It appeared to be a postman summoning ritual.
Saturday, Feb. 11
Two males with their faces covered were attacking cars with their drone on Arreba Street at 7:13 a.m. It will only be a matter of time until the drones will attack without humans behind the controls. Prepare yourself.
A West Park Street resident claimed to have seen bones on the hillside near his house.
Sunday, Feb. 12
A car parked on Silva Court was burglarized overnight and the loot was sunglasses and phone chargers. So if you see a cool guy with a fully charged phone, call the cops.